he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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