I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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