Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
