His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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