it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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