But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
