my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
