Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize