Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
