so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
