You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
