In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
