Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
