the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
