i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize