Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
