I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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