he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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