i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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