1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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