I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
soo... how was my night?
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