Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
