Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize