I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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