Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize youโve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I donโt have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize