they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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