I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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