Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
