anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
