You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
