Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
