so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
