mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
