How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize