He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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