my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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