Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
