Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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