im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
