First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize