I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
