Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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