when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
