After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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