i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
