OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
