You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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