good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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