no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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