Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
