Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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