his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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