Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
