she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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