i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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