when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
