i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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