Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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