i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
