So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
