Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
