This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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