writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize