This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
