thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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