Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
