is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
