Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
