Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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