hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
