Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
